General,  Personal

Lonely? Yes please, maybe… no thank you. Oh ok then.

And perhaps I am writing this for any of you out there who are lonely too. There’s not much we can do about it. I am luckier than many of you because I am lonely in a crowd of people who are mostly very nice to me and appear to be pleased to meet me. But I want you to know that you are not alone in your being alone. – Stephen Fry

I read something by Stephen Fry this week that has gotten me thinking hard. Navel gazing at it’s best I would say.

I say this because it resonated with me. Deep down, it struck a cord. I’m also one of those people that is surrounded by people who are also happy to know me and are very nice to me yet feeling strangely I still feel lonely.

Through his piece he makes mention of the following

It’s not that I want a sexual partner, a long-term partner, someone to share a bed and a snuggle on the sofa with – although perhaps I do and in the past I have had and it has been joyful. But the fact is I value my privacy too. It’s a lose-lose matter. I don’t want to be alone, but I want to be left alone. Perhaps this is just a form of narcissism, vanity, over-demanding entitlement – give it whatever derogatory term you think it deserves. I don’t know the answer.

Having a partner doesn’t equate to one not being lonely however. Yet I feel his confliction of wanting his own space. I guess I’ve always mentioned that I think my ideal relationship would be with whoever could had their own space and I had my own pad. We could have sleep over’s and dinners and everything else together, yet have that single separation that – well, in all honesty? I think living together with someone kills a relationship faster than you can say “I don’t think this is working”.

This might just be me however. I knew someone who was married to a lovely guy and they owned 2 apartments. She lived on the 2nd floor and he lived on the 3rd floor. They spent most nights together having dinner and sharing a bed. They would alternate with who stayed over at who’s place on differing nights. But more than anything else, it worked for them. They are so in love it’s vomit inducing with their lovey dovey ways.

So I don’t think conventional will ever work for me or I haven’t met anyone that made me feel like conventional would work for us. Or maybe I haven’t met anyone who had any other ideas on how to keep a separate yet living together arrangement working smoothly. Possibly if there was a big enough house, it might work. But then what does one want with all that space? Unless it’s out in the country or by the seaside. Now that might work. I guess at the end of the day, it wholly depends on your relationship with whoever you are with and your personal interactions and communications.

What I really wanted to say is that no matter how many obstacles we place in our own way or how ever many friends we want to collect to keep you occupied because you hate being at home alone… we are alone.

We are all alone. Even when there’s someone sleeping in the bed next to you.

And to let you in on a little secret…. sometimes I love being alone.


  • rubyrubble

    I’m much the same way. I decided a long time ago I couldn’t actually live with my partner or if I had to that we were going to have different bedrooms. I need my own space, however small, or I start to pick at my partner.

    • Spankalicious

      I find that I work the same way. I don’t know why, but I need my own space. A room of my own that I can go and *be* in.

      It’s really important to me and I find myself feeling like a caged rat when I don’t have that and it means I get moody and act out.

    • Spankalicious

      I don’t know about all guys, actually I think all the relationships I’ve had with men I’ve only lived with 2. Granted, I’ve only lived with 1 woman as well. I guess my own bias is that guys aren’t dying to move in with you as much as a female partner seems to want to. There’s always tooth brushes and other odds and ends coming to stay within a few weeks. At least with men it seems to drag out a bit more.

      I think there would be a fight to the death about the shed… Plus why do men get all the fun stuff? I want a man-cave too!!I could plaster Angelina Jolie’s bewbs as Tomb Raider on one wall and Milla Jovovich’s picture from the 5th Element on another… Have my stash of naughty things in one corner and dear gods, I could have a suspension point. Oh the joys!!!!

      I just figure that if there’s enough rooms in a house it would be fine. You know, splitting areas of the house? Perfect? Right? 😀

  • Mr Peeved

    Maybe…if the house was big enough, but you still run into each other. I think there is something to the sayings ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and ‘familiarity breeds contempt’. Cliches are cliches for a reason, but there are always exceptions. Maybe having two sheds? : )

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