Lonely? Yes please, maybe… no thank you. Oh ok then.
16th July 2013
And perhaps I am writing this for any of you out there who are lonely too. There’s not much we can do about it. I am luckier than many of you because I am lonely in a crowd of people who are mostly very nice to me and appear to be pleased to meet me. But I want you to know that you are not alone in your being alone. – Stephen Fry
I read something by Stephen Fry this week that has gotten me thinking hard. Navel gazing at it’s best I would say.
I say this because it resonated with me. Deep down, it struck a cord. I’m also one of those people that is surrounded by people who are also happy to know me and are very nice to me yet feeling strangely I still feel lonely.
Through his piece he makes mention of the following
It’s not that I want a sexual partner, a long-term partner, someone to share a bed and a snuggle on the sofa with – although perhaps I do and in the past I have had and it has been joyful. But the fact is I value my privacy too. It’s a lose-lose matter. I don’t want to be alone, but I want to be left alone. Perhaps this is just a form of narcissism, vanity, over-demanding entitlement – give it whatever derogatory term you think it deserves. I don’t know the answer.
Having a partner doesn’t equate to one not being lonely however. Yet I feel his confliction of wanting his own space. I guess I’ve always mentioned that I think my ideal relationship would be with whoever could had their own space and I had my own pad. We could have sleep over’s and dinners and everything else together, yet have that single separation that – well, in all honesty? I think living together with someone kills a relationship faster than you can say “I don’t think this is working”.
This might just be me however. I knew someone who was married to a lovely guy and they owned 2 apartments. She lived on the 2nd floor and he lived on the 3rd floor. They spent most nights together having dinner and sharing a bed. They would alternate with who stayed over at who’s place on differing nights. But more than anything else, it worked for them. They are so in love it’s vomit inducing with their lovey dovey ways.
So I don’t think conventional will ever work for me or I haven’t met anyone that made me feel like conventional would work for us. Or maybe I haven’t met anyone who had any other ideas on how to keep a separate yet living together arrangement working smoothly. Possibly if there was a big enough house, it might work. But then what does one want with all that space? Unless it’s out in the country or by the seaside. Now that might work. I guess at the end of the day, it wholly depends on your relationship with whoever you are with and your personal interactions and communications.
What I really wanted to say is that no matter how many obstacles we place in our own way or how ever many friends we want to collect to keep you occupied because you hate being at home alone… we are alone.
We are all alone. Even when there’s someone sleeping in the bed next to you.
And to let you in on a little secret…. sometimes I love being alone.