Personal,  Sexuality

Sex? Yes. Right now. And then again. And again. And ….


It makes the world go around.

Not money, like the rest of the herd would have you believe. No. It’s all about the shagging.

Now I don’t know about you but apparently according to this article, we wimmin folk go around denying our desires. So I sat and thought about it. Then navel gazed some more about it and came to conclusion that at certain times in our lives, we do actually suppress our desire to get laid. Or any other sexual desire that might crop up.

If it was up to me I’d be up for the shagging every day. Unfortunately however sometimes your partner just isn’t as highly sexed as you are. When we’re in that situation what do you do? I’m usually pretty monogamous by nature, I don’t tend to share very easily. Although after a few years under the belt that changes to a degree but again that comes down to the relationship, the ground work put in and knowledge and trust in the security of our relationship. This usually means a whole heap of talking. And talking. And talking.

In a kinky sense however, I’m really not that fussed about them playing with everyone! How weird right? I guess I’ve been around the kink scene for so long that I realise expecting someone to fulfil my every desire, kink & vanilla wise, is a pipe dream. It’s putting unwanted pressure on someone else to make me happy in every area of my life. No other person is going to be into every single thing that I’m into. Especially if we’re talking BDSM. And no other person but myself can make me happy in every area of my life.

We get so wrapped up in our own want want want need need need want want want circle that sometimes we forget to look up at the stars.

What does this all mean?

I guess what I am trying to say in my long winded verbal diarrhoea way is that we all can’t get what we want all the time. It’s called compromise. It’s a give and take no? Sure I want sex every day. Does it mean that I get it? Well no, not really. But hello hitachi, my reliable trusty friend! How I love thee!

Sure I might have gotten shagged a lot more when I was single, but that’s because getting laid when you’re single is as easy as picking a lemon off a tree. There are walking erections all around you that are more than happy to service you and fuck off. No strings attached, no emotional connection needed. Apart from a physical desire to rip the other persons clothes off there isn’t much in the way of social and personal interaction going on here.

Which can be just what a girl needs sometimes. The huge hurdle for me was over coming my emotional connection with sex. I guess I started to view my booty call list as an extension of my vibrator draw. Except with that extra funness of human contact. You get the best of everything. Without the hassle. You have someone who comes around, worships you, makes you feel sexy, primal… wanted. Then they don’t ask for anything else. The downside? You get lonely for actual companionship after while. For someone that wants to interact with more than just your cunt.

So where do you compromise? How much of your sexual animal do you lock away in order to try to balance it all on a platter resting on a pin?

I don’t have the answers to this. Wish I did though. In a perfect world we wouldn’t have to repress our sexual desires.

Men had grown up feeling entitled to sexual expression. For women, in contrast, there was a collision between the physical and the psychic. Whether women were unaware of their erotic responses or felt embarrassed to admit them, the conclusion is the same: our culture has led women to deny their own desires. That such rapacious female desires still exist in spite of the social policing of female sexuality – from slut-shaming to the bible – shows just how powerful those desires must be. – Why do women deny their sexual desires?

Why do we do it? I don’t do it because it makes me look like less than a slut. Actually, if you think I’m a slut I really don’t give a shit. I see myself as a sexually expressive person. How many people I may or may not have slept with doesn’t detract from who I am.

Yet at the moment I find myself suppressing my sexual desires because they don’t match my partners. So how do you find a middle ground? Do you think that suppressing them makes us better women? Does it make you less than? Mentally & emotionally what cost does it take?

A relationship is usually built on more than just sex. But sex is a very very big part of it. At least for me that’s the case. And sexual desire … well, sexual desire is the beast that I think should never be tamed*.

*This does not mean that I would love to see everyone fornicating in the streets. Not that this wouldn’t be highly entertaining for a little while… I just think sexual desire should keep being expressed as long as it’s in a healthy way.

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