Dating,  Personal

Troll me & lick my phallanges…

Online dating. Usually OKC is pretty spot on with matches. Possibly because everytime I’m bored I answer questions. But thats beside the point.

I was going theough my emails the other day and came across this gem.

And since I’m a sharing caring type of gal, I’m leaving it here too.

I can’t figure out if this is a blatent troll, if he was serious or… Well. You tell me.

Hello my dear,

Allow me to introduce myself my name is Erkal and I believe you are everything ive been searching for. Im a really compassionate and loving man and I would one day very much like to have atleast 5 sons that have your beautiful phalanges and my highly praised good looks.

I am a strong believer in love at first sight and darling when I first saw your profile picture I automatically could see our wonderful future. I can imagine you being the girl that helps me collect samples of feces, algae ect. (I am an aspiring scientist) , cooking me marvelous food every night, tucking me in at night, attending the synagogue with me on a daily basis and raising our children in a strict Jewish household. In return I will make sure you remain healthy and protected at all times and overwhelm you with my love.

I will constantly make sure you are eating healthy vegan food and consuming alot of fibre for a healthy digestive system. I will insist on you taking toilet breaks atleast twice an hour because I would never want you to have to suffer from stomach cramps. I will keep you out of the way of any substances that could potentially harm you meaning caffeine, pain medications, alcohol etc. If you are ever suffering any pain (which I think will be unlikely considering how good your health will be because of me) I will crush up some weeds, algae and moss as I heard this is a good herbal remedy.

Hygiene is also very important my dear and I will not let anything get in your way from acheiving perfect hygiene. This means I will respect you enough never to have any pets which carry alot of bacteria such as Escherichia coli O157:H7 and assist you by reminding you to take a shower atleast once a week. As i already said I will be your protector as long as your mine no one and no thing shall ever harm you. To make sure of this I will accompany you every where.

Well my darling I have to go now as I have much more planning to do and I need to take my mother to the vet. I am very eager to hear back from you.

Take care xx Yours truly Erkal


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