So I woke up the following day and decided that I was going to walk from downtown to the strip. It couldn’t be that far right?
I strolled out to find two cute bicycle mounted… Well police or whatever they were chatting away merrily as they peddled. Anyone that knows me also knows that I’m an absolute sucker for uniforms. Which meant I had to stop myself from launching onto the back of one. Instead I talked myself into taking a peekture (see above) and possibly walk really really fast to try to keep up with their perk lil asses legs peddling lazily.
I finally lost them when I had to turn right to start my trek to the Strip. Along the way I was hoping to find a store where I could purchase a phone and a sim so that I could also be mobile. Figured if I headed in the general direction and used a bit of zen walking I should be fine. I was. Honest. Grabbed a bottle of water and off I went.
I had been walking for a bit when I came across this sign that made me stop walking and laugh. A lot.
Suffice to say, the thing I noticed is that not many people walk anywhere in Vegas. Nope, they are all merrily driving around in their cars with the air con on and looking at me like I’d grown another head. Maybe I had. The heat was starting to get to me. I needed an alcoholic drink ASAP to ensure that I didn’t fall into the nearest drive through chapel and marry Elvis. Or his brother.
Why do people not walk anywhere? I find this to be endlessly confusing. I mean, we walk everywhere back home!! Well, those of us that don’t own cars tend to at least. Who needs a car in the inner city after all when I have buses & trains to choose from?
The great thing about the Vegas summer is that the heat is a dry heat. It’s not the sticky sweaty 200% humidity we get at home in Sydney that causes my hair to do it’s best impersonation of an afro. Oh no, it’s this lovely lovely dry heat that meant my hair stayed beautiful, even though I was sweating. I approved. Greatly.
As I was walking I got hit up by a guy. Surprise! No, not really. I found it perplexing that he trotted to keep up with me and engage me in conversation. I only wanted to know where I could buy a mobile phone. He wasn’t helpful on this front at which point I dismissed him and kept walking. He kept trying to engage. I couldn’t think of a nice way to tell him that:
a) he was too short, there’s no way I can fuck short men
b) unless he had some hidden stash of frozen margaritas down his pants, there was no way in hell I was going there
I opted to smile and nod and keep up my pace so that he had to keep trotting to keep up with me. He wanted me to go with him for some lunch. I said no thank you, I need to find a phone. And a bar. Not in that order. He eventually shrugged and wondered away.
To my despair mind you, he decided to leave me just as I came upon the stupid clown casino. W.T.F people. A CLOWN CASINO? What were you thinking?!?!!! I had to cross the road to get past it. My insides shrivelled and I wished that the unfuckable faceless man had kept with his pestering until I’d at least got to the Stratosphere and could have avoided noticing this monstrosity. Blame Stephen King for my fear of clowns. They aren’t funny. Or cute. And I don’t know why we let them terrorise children and it’s a bloody grand idea to keep me away from McDonalds.
I had no further incident from men trying to get me to suck their cocks and proceeded down the strip happily taking peektures like every other tourist in town.
I finally got to the end of the strip, with the long line of men handing out little cards with half naked women on them to everyone else but me. Obviously I didn’t deserve a perv. Secretly I was grateful as I didn’t want to try to find a rubbish bin to put them all in and tried not to stop and lecture them about the entire footpath and beyond being covered with scantily clad women because they keep handing these things out and everyone keeps throwing them. I locked up my inner greenie and decided to buy another drink and walk over to the bus stop to see if I could get a bus back to downtown. My feet were giving up. Breaking in my new connies on a huge trek possibly wasn’t the smartest idea I’d ever come up with.
Found a bus and went back to my room to crash for a while. In air con comfort. I still didn’t find a phone.