Dating,  Relationships,  Sexuality

Sexual liberation? Or self denial?

So I think I can safely say that I’m at that stage in my life where I’m horny as hell.ย But refusing to have a quick shag to fix it.

But why?! I hear you ask. I ask myself the same question. The answer sometimes frustrates me, my sexual frustration is starting to get unbearable.

I think after so many years of casual sexual encounters I am a bit sick of them. Sure they fill a need, they scratch an itch. But then what? When did I go from being the girl who was happy with a quick fix to being the girl who wanted her sex life to actually mean something? My last relationship wasn’t the best starting point for this. Yet I don’t think I’ve given up on the idea.

There’s something to be said about waking up next to someone who makes you genuinely happy. Or not. I might have found someone who finally fires me up. He pushes my buttons, I want to strangle him and kiss him at the same time. I yell at him and want to flay him alive yet want to rape him. He confuses me. He makes me question my sanity. He makes me laugh till I have tears. No other man has done this before, new territory. Down side? He’s in another country. The thought of meeting him scares the bejesus out of me. At least for the next 2 months. Loki, yes. Suits him perfectly. Let’s name him thusly. But that’s another story no?

I have at least 5 guys at the moment wanting to sleep with me. I’ve put them off. Since breaking up with my ex about 3 months ago I haven’t shagged anyone. That’s not from lack of offerings, it’s from my choice to not do it.

I’m the queen of evasion at the moment. Queen. I want a fucking tiara.

Evasion Queen. She who dodges and evades…

I’m not saying any of this to make myself feel better. I am saying it to make a point. The point being that finding a fuck has never been hard. Guys never say no. At least I’ve never had one that’s turned down my offer of “Oh hi, you’re really cute and smell divine. Want to fuck?”

I’m still on OKC & AMM – if only to see if I can’t find a rope bunny. I need to tie up more people. I’ve got a coffee date on Sunday morning. He’s really pushy, it’s turning me off to the point that I am thinking I’m not going to bother even meeting him and cancelling because I can’t stand pushy guys. He wants me to tell him how I would tie him up. How to politely tell someone you’ve never met that you aren’t going to write them a story for them to wank over when I don’t even know if I will be bothering? Well, I might have actually said that. You can’t say that I’m not honest at least.

The down side of not getting laid regularly? I broke my hitachi. BROKE! It’s been hectic. I had to get a palm power to replace it but it’s just so mediocre!!! And the new hitachi I ordered got lost in the mail so they refunded my money and didn’t bother to put in another order! Oh the wailsomeness of this. I’m forced to either use my hand or the rattling stupid palm power that turns off instead of goes faster!! It’s just… grrrrrrrrr.

Back to this whole abstaining thing however.

I mean I love a good session of denial. When it’s someone else not giving me what I want. Usually sexual pleasure. Or the permission to come. Tears from denial are the sweetest ever. Self imposed denial is killing me.

Will I die? Possibly. How long can someone go without sex before they die? I feel like I’m dying. Yet at the same time I’m convinced that there is more to sex than just the shallow exchange with a stranger. Is it wrong to want someone who can play me like a fiddle? That I can blow his or her mind with a blow job because I know what they love? That I know their buttons? I want that. I want that intimacy, the knowledge of my partner that eclipses the one night stands and fuck buddies.

Does this mean that we might not steal away someone to play with later? No, definitely not. That is always on the table. Always.

Yet I yearn for the other.

So I’m not going to have casual meaningless sex. It’s official now that I’ve said it here right?

But fret not, I still have over 13 years of slutty to go through. And they were such fun years! Oh yes.

15 Comments

  • wholelottarosiee

    I haven’t had sex in over a month because of the exact same reason! We’re doing good girl! I’m actually feeling kind of proud and liberated right now. But then, I know I’ll fuck it up next time I’m full of vodka and bump into Slim.

    But for now, lets celebrate our well behaved pussies! Huzzah!

    • Spankalicious

      *high fives*

      My well behaved pussy is rioting at my brain taking over logical thought processing and not letting it run riot!

      Oh honey, I think I’m up to about 6 months with no sex now. My ex wasn’t big on the shaggings. Big reason of why he is an ex.

      6 months. When do you become re-virginised? I think I’m re-virginised. I am starting to think I’ve forgotten what a penis looks, feels and tastes like…

      I’ve been avoiding being full of voddy, tequila, beer or anything that might remotely make me loose my clothes at the sight of a burley man that smells good and has facial fur.

      Go us! Sexual liberation! YES!

      Fuck I miss cock.

  • wholelottarosiee

    I think three months makes you a virgin again. Simply because one month has felt like a year so far.

    Oh lord, every time I see a man walking down the street with facial hair my vagina flaps like a neurotic housewife. And having options there totally makes it harder to abstain.

    I found out that my grandmother is getting more action than me yesterday. Time to join a convent maybe?

    • Spankalicious

      So if 3 months means re-virginised, then at 6 months I’m like beyond re-virginised. My vagina is weeping.

      bwahahahahahahaha!!

      Oh lord, every time I see a man walking down the street with facial hair my vagina flaps like a neurotic housewife.

      THIS!! THISSSSSSSSSSSS! So this!!

      Oh. Em. Gee. Your grandmother? I don’t think my mother has seen a penis since she got pregnant with my sister. At least I’ll pretend she hasn’t. I’m not sure I’d cope with knowing my grandmother was having more sex than I was. That’s just… Convent doesn’t even cover the kinds of depression I’d be in!

  • wholelottarosiee

    I wish my vagina was weeping with semen and not the tears of its own starvation to be honest.

    Yeah, my grandmother has a bit on the side. And a new dildo apparently. She’s a badass. I’m only jealous…of a 73 year old geriatric.

    Yeah, definitely time to find the love of my life so that I can fuck him until he bleeds. Although, I did meet someone online and I’m really quite liking him. He seems quite innocent compared to me. He’s only slept with four women. And you know what that screams to me? That I would get to corrupt the shit out of him! ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Spankalicious

      Amen sister, amen!

      I’m going to be dancing on rooftops if/when that happens. And possibly posting a picture of a weeping vagina on here and that’s about it. You’ll totes get the code message ๐Ÿ˜€

      Go grandma!! I’m a bit jealous of her too. To the point that I dunked my $100 headphones in my glass of water. Life fail.

      Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh reaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy?!! Do spill the beans!!

      I think having someone who’s only slept with a handful of people can be good and it can be bad. My ex had slept with a handful of people. I think my sexual freedom and identity scared him to the point he turned frigid. Or he just didn’t like me playing with his penis. I don’t understand that logic however, so I’m going to run with the frigid thing.

      Corruption is indeed fun, especially if they are open to it! Long as they are you’re laughing! Oh I really hope he is for your sake!

  • wholelottarosiee

    Well, I don’t really know what to say on it. I met him on OKCupid a few weeks ago and we’ve been in constant contact since the very first message. He lives like 18 miles away and he seems like a real nice, but also weird, guy. He’s kinda shy and he suffers with anxiety and depression like myself. I don’t want to push the dreaded first date on him so I’m just really enjoying getting to know him.

    I do know that he has a major foot fetish though so he’s not all sweetness and light. That and he told me that he had a dream about sticking his tongue in my asshole whilst I blew him. So yeah, I don’t think he’s completely vanilla. Lol.

    Yeah, I had an ex that went off me sexually because he was rather inexperienced and I was rather dominant. I think I scared the shit out of the poor boy. The way I see it, if they’re too scared to take a finger up the ass, they’re never going to be the one for me ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Spankalicious

      Awwwwwwe! There’s an irish lad I was talking to on OKC. Too far though. As much as I love the lyrical accent, even Ireland is a bit too far for me lol

      Well, nice isn’t always bad. I’m sure you won’t make my mistake!!! My attempt at trying a “nice guy” for a change bit me on the ass. See the no sex comment up there ^^

      Well now, I think he’s definitely not vanilla!! If you’re into feet that is!

      Remind me to tell you about my horror sex story. It was with a foot fetishist. Maybe later. After you’ve gotten to know this one.

    • Spankalicious

      Hai there =)

      Thanks for dropping by and the comment!!

      I don’t think that casual encounters = harder to find something with meaning. I mean I’ve fallen for a lot of fuck buddies and had relationships with them. But it’s just never worked out. I think what I was missing was the fact that I didn’t check to see if anything else was compatible – and just sex doesn’t cut it after a while no?

      So I’ve been taking the approach for the last year or so about dating someone first and not fucking them until I’ve dated them a few times at least and wanted to get in their pants. I’m yet to determine if this works better than fucking them first and finding out about their life later. Let me get back to you on that.

      I think what I really want is a guy who wants what I want, who’s a kinky fucker in the bedroom and possibly a bit outside of it and can match me when I push. I have a tendency to dismiss men that let my dominance overtake theirs. Possible daddy issues or the fact that I just don’t find submissive men attractive. I know what I want, I know how to get it… however for some reason I’m yet to find a guy that brings all that plus some to the table and can outplay me ๐Ÿ™‚

      We’ll see how this all pans out.

  • Aussa Lorens

    I feel like the first 3 months are the worst, so you’re probably over the hump (bahahaha get it? I die). I’ve made it for a one year stretch… and it was worth it to finally find all that intimate stuff you just described above. Keep holding out, I say… and just regale us with past exploits!

    • Spankalicious

      Oh if only there were the humping!! *dreams*

      A year?! A WHOLE YEAARR!! I think my vagina just shrivelled and dramatically died.

      There will be regulation, I have so much to write about!! And there will be the holding out. It needs to happen, as much as my bits are in protest at me ๐Ÿ™‚

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