New Years Resolutions aka The Craycray Idea Period
16th December 2013
What is it with new year resolutions and insanity?
Obviously I have to be insane. I’ve been thinking today about a new years resolution. When will I learn thinking is never a good idea? Anyway. Back to the point. This thought might be one that might change my entire being. Well, sort of. I envisage epiphanies.
Or at least furniture humping.
I have no doubt y’all remember the sexual denial dodad that I thought would be a fantastic idea. Well, now that my stupid hitachi is broken and I’m never getting a new one at this rate because China is opposed to me ever masturbating with a mains powered sex toy ever again, I’ve thought long and hard (about 10 minutes) and decided that abstaining from anything sexual at all might be an interesting experiment.
So come new years day I will stop masturbating as well. Not only am I going to be dreaming about sex, I won’t even get to have a rub while I’m dreaming about it. Good bye my firemen, ambulance guys, rugby team and the military tattoo of Edinburgh fantasies…
Hello no orgasms for at least a month.
I have no bloody idea. I dare say I’ll regain my sanity tomorrow and decide that this was some stupidly horrid nightmare and have a wank-a-thon for a few hours at least.
However now that I’ve put it down here I can’t. So come January the 1st, this little horny devil will be putting down all the sex toys to withdraw from sexual stimulation for a month at least. That’s 4 weeks. 4 fucking weeks. I must have hit my head while I was sleeping.
For someone who masturbates daily (or a few times a day) this is going to be a challenge.
It will take my mind off the fact that I will be travelling to America in 2 months. 2 months!
And it will mean that my vajayjay will be screaming obscenities at me while I abstain. And pant after all the hot uniforms I see between January 1st and when ever it is that I’ll be getting laid.
Which should be about, oh, say the 17th of February.