Dating,  Personal,  Sexuality

New Years Resolutions aka The Craycray Idea Period

What is it with new year resolutions and insanity?

Obviously I have to be insane. I’ve been thinking today about a new years resolution. When will I learn thinking is never a good idea? Anyway. Back to the point. This thought might be one that might change my entire being. Well, sort of. I envisage epiphanies.

Or at least furniture humping.

I have no doubt y’all remember the sexual denial dodad that I thought would be a fantastic idea. Well, now that my stupid hitachi is broken and I’m never getting a new one at this rate because China is opposed to me ever masturbating with a mains powered sex toy ever again, I’ve thought long and hard (about 10 minutes) and decided that abstaining from anything sexual at all might be an interesting experiment.

So come new years day I will stop masturbating as well. Not only am I going to be dreaming about sex, I won’t even get to have a rub while I’m dreaming about it. Good bye my firemen, ambulance guys, rugby team and the military tattoo of Edinburgh fantasies…


Hello no orgasms for at least a month.


I have no bloody idea. I dare say I’ll regain my sanity tomorrow and decide that this was some stupidly horrid nightmare and have a wank-a-thon for a few hours at least.

However now that I’ve put it down here I can’t. So come January the 1st, this little horny devil will be putting down all the sex toys to withdraw from sexual stimulation for a month at least. That’s 4 weeks. 4 fucking weeks. I must have hit my head while I was sleeping.

For someone who masturbates daily (or a few times a day) this is going to be a challenge.

It will take my mind off the fact that I will be travelling to America in 2 months. 2 months!

And it will mean that my vajayjay will be screaming obscenities at me while I abstain. And pant after all the hot uniforms I see between January 1st and when ever it is that I’ll be getting laid.

Which should be about, oh, say the 17th of February.


    • Spankalicious

      I’m so glad I’m not the only one having an out of body experience here and yelling at myself that I’ve lost my banana’s.

      Mmmmmmm bananas. I’d kill for a banana right now.

      Er. I can’t wait either. But I can & must hold out. I’ve mounted the self destruction mode! Mounted. Well, that’s an interesting choice of words no? lol Ugh.

      Talking about mounting….I forgot to add a mountie to my picture collage! I need to mount a mountie. It’s on my bucket list.

      Between now and NYE I’m going to be rubbing myself raw. Pity you can’t bank them!

  • TK

    I agree, you’re nuts. But, I look forward to reading about it. I confess, I am probably inexperienced in comparison when it comes to this stuff (I think it comes from growing up in a household where anything remotely related to sex or masturbation was a sin against God). Maybe I should join you and purchase my first sex toy to play with for January. And just because I put that in writing does not mean I will actually do it… It’s just a thought. Probably born out of fatigue,…

    • Spankalicious

      Ahhh TK! I grew up in a similar household. For some reason though, instead of making me timid it sent me totally the other way. I was masturbating in the shower and in my bedroom at night. I was pro at the silent orgasm so that no one could hear me!

      Well it’s not that bad of an idea you know. I had this conversation with my sister (she’s a total prude compared to me) after she asked me where her clitoris was when she was 19. I died a slow death that my wee sister didn’t know where her clitoris was. I did.

      However self exploration is a fantastic thing. I know exactly what will get me off quickly. I know how to make me shudder and shake without pushing myself over the edge. I know all the little buttons that I can share with a partner in case they just aren’t hitting “it”.

      There is nothing at all wrong with getting familiar with your body. I think all girls should. I’ve chatted to some girls who drink camomile tea before bed to help them sleep. I masturbate. It sends me to sleep like a baby.

      And I do agree, it’s going to be interesting at least blogging about this stupid idea that I’ve had. I will see it through though. If only because I think it’s something that’s so alien and different. And there’s never been a time when I have gone so long without masturbating.

      • TK

        Well, I knew plenty about sex by the time I was 19, although I wasn’t having any. I’ve only been sexually active for two years and I think I’m still trying to work off the idea that sex is somehow dirty (in a bad way). I’m sure I will find myself a toy to play with at some point.

        Outside of sexual pleasure, I think there is a lot that can be said about how one feels about their body when they masturbate. It’s a way in which we can love ourselves and know that, no matter what anyone else says, we are an attractive being. Female stimulation is so connected to our emotions, that being able to feel that way probably increases pleasure when we are with another person. Someone should probably do a study on masturbation and how it may help body issues…. I’d read that.

        • Spankalicious

          You’ll get there =) Don’t push yourself and work through it all at your own pace, there is no fast or slow with psychological baggage. If you need a sounding board at all, feel free to get in contact.

          I think it took me about 4 years to finally get past the sexual restraints that my family had placed on me while I was growing up. I’m not sure my sister has ever gotten past hers!

          I read an interesting article the other day about health benefits of masturbating, here’s a bit from it and linky at bottom if you would like to read:

          Possible health benefits for women:
          1. Combats pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with the menstrual cycle, such as cramps.
          2. Relieves painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region; which will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.
          3. Builds resistance to yeast infections.
          4. Allows women to explore and understand their bodies better, so they will know what they like when they have sex with a partner.

          Possible health benefits for men:
          1. May help combat premature ejaculation by training to last longer; it’s easier to practise control when on your own.
          2. Regular flushing of the system keeps semen healthy.
          3. Frequent masturbation helps in preventing the development of prostate cancer. Cancer-causing chemicals can build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.

          Read more:

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