BDSM,  Memories,  Personal

Kinky? Doesn’t that just mean wearing your underwear around the house?

I get asked a lot what I mean by “kinky”.

So I thought I’d go through and explain how I first got into the lifestyle and what it’s meant for me.

So google tells me this…

kinky

Yet why does kinky have to do with sexual behaviour? For me it encompasses a whole range of other things that have nothing to do with sex.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. How did I discover this lifestyle?

Well I had a computer back in the day when the only chat rooms available were either IRC or yahoo, I think we’re talking circa 1999. I was spending a night online chatting to my regular people instead of studying and a girlfriend I’d been talking to advised me that she thought I was submissive. Say what?

I had no idea what she meant. Submissive? What do you mean? I asked. She linked me to a website that propelled my interest and my imagination. It was called Black Rose or something similar and it had articles from A – Z about kink. It was the greatest resource. These days I guess FetLife takes over that role, although I see it as more of a facebook for kinky people than anything else.

So after reading for a night I started to see her point. At age 22 I was shy, I’d had some childhood trauma, I’d been bullied through high school for being gay, I’d just discovered that I was no longer gay and broke up with said boyfriend so I was living at home with a mother who didn’t like letting me out of the house at night. I started to go into chat rooms that were labelled BDSM. I started to talk to people. I started to understand the lingo, the slash speak and the various protocols that were applied in this lifestyle that I was starting to be beholden to. It was like a whole new world opened up to me and I had my rose-tinted glasses firmly in place.

I spent months chatting to people online, making connections, reading and reading and reading.

I met someone online who was my first foray into a D/s relationship… but I also think he deserves his own post because it’s pretty funny.

I went out into the scene not long after I broke up with that guy and sent him home. My first night out I went to a local munch that was being held in a pub in the city prior to the Hellfire Club.

I meet my best friend there, Jay, who I still talk to adore to this day. We went to Hellfire after the munch where I was asked by Master Tom if I’d like to do a show with him. On stage. In front of everyone. Me, who’s never done anything S&M before.

So up I went. I learnt that I had an exhibitionist streak a mile wide. I learned that I actually liked being flogged, spanked and having pegs whipped off my breasts. I loved the rush of the pain and I loved the rush I was getting fed from the crowd watching me.

And that… was really the end of that. I went back weekly to Hellfire to do shows with Master Tom and eventually with Ultra as well. This is the start of our friendship and our Hellfire Urban Family. These guys are not related to me by blood, but I’ve bled for them. They’ve seen me at my worst, they’ve fed me lines while I sat in their spa naked and wailed about how fucked men are… I’ve rolled around naked on their astro turf high as a kite exclaiming how getting head whilst trashed on astro turf is the best thing ever while they laid near by giggling at me. And they’ve seen me when I’ve been at my happiest. They have a picture of me topless under a no limits sign in Darwin. We’ve all been through the wringer together and for that I love them dearly and wouldn’t replace them for the world. With anyone. And for all that, they still support me 150% in everything that I do, even when it’s a stupid move.

My urban kinky family are made of win.

And this lifestyle – as much as people don’t understand it, has given me insights into myself that I don’t think I could have come to without it.

8 Comments

  • wholelottarosiee

    I have many fantasies that I haven’t yet been able to delve into. I’m having trouble finding somebody that I can trust and somebody that respects me also. Its frustrating me 🙁 xx

    • Sharn

      Ahhh honey, but you live in the country with Torture Garden!

      And amazing other resources! Did you want me to point you in the direction of anything? It’s a matter of knowing people I think that means that it will lead you to finding someone who you can experiment with.

      Plus my best friend Jay? He’s based in London and has been for the last 10 + years. So I have an inside mole =)

      • wholelottarosiee

        I’ve NEVER been to Torture Garden. Ever. I know, I know.

        I just want to explore the lifestyle to see if its for me. I feel like it might be. I found FetLife to be full of men that just want a toy to abuse and I dont want that. At all

        Teach me, yoda. What do you know?

        • Sharn

          Oh my word!! If I ever get my butt back to London we’re going to Torture Garden. Because we must, I missed it last time!

          Well, I think exploring is a good thing. I love exploring, and then you know, doing… FetLife is.. yes, a bit like that. Although I don’t tend to use it for dating at all. There’s also collarme – but that’s about as useful as tits on a bull and full of just as many wankers.

          Depends on what you wanted to learn about love, I mean I know some of the rope crew in London – if you wanted to try Japanese Rope Bondage? Alternatively I could ask them about other stuff going on over there like social munches if you wanted to dip your toe in the local scene and have a chit chat to people to see if you find anyone that makes your panties a bit damp?

          • wholelottarosiee

            Yeah, I was supposed to go at some point last year but never did. I think fear got into me a little too much lol. I’ve met some friendly people on FetLife but nobody that I feel a connection enough with to experiment.

            Hahahaha tits on a bull. Darling, you are on form today.

            Yeah, I’ve been looking at Japanese rope bondage. I think its stunning. It would be great if you could ask around for me. I trust your instincts given that you’ve been involved in all this stuff for a long period of time.

            If you’re on Facebook or anything, you should add me. May be easier to converse about something like this.

          • Sharn

            Ohh well, you should totes go! Find someone to tag along with!! Then tells me all about it because dayam! I would be so jelly!!

            Oh I know, I blame the fact that it’s Sunday, I’m bleeding and so horny that all the furniture is humpable. The joys!

            Ohhhhh yes yes yes yes, Japanese Rope Bondage is my love. I lovelovelove it… it’s painful, it’s sweet, it’s … ugughghghg … which reminds me I need to condition my ropes.

            Facebook yes, find me… or email me from my contacts page and I’ll send you my info xxx

          • wholelottarosiee

            I will definitely look into it once I find someone interested enough to go. I know a lot of sexually liberated people but not many are interested in that area.

            I’m still waiting for my period…I’ll say no more on that one.

            My fucking bastarding email wont let me log on lately and I’m getting so frustrated because I contacted James Deen (the pornstar, ungh) a while ago and I’m waiting (like its going to come) for his reply. My name is xxxx. I assume nobody I know is going to find that out from this thread….if so, oops. xx

          • Sharn

            Hah! Not a problem, I’ve edited out the name bit so you’re safe and sent facebook request!! WOOT!

            Ohh my, well… let’s find you some sexually liberated people that are interested in that area. I know quite a few that I’d happily throw myself on my back infront of and expose my belly possibly begging for them to rope me up!

            xx

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