Getting jiggy with it. What’s your perfect number?

So I was off reading Maurnas blog a wee bit ago and she went through the number of her sexual partners all her life.

She even has a table. Like an honest to goodness table of percentages and everything. I’m so impressed.

Which got me thinking.

We are so hung up on the number of people everyone’s slept with aren’t we? I know Loki is having a few issues swallowing (oh the things I could say) the number of my sexual conquests.


Let’s start with the fact that:

A) I don’t know the exact number. I went on a rampage of about 3-9 guys a week at one point for roughly a 7 month period.

Averaging that out the mean comes to: Σ 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 = 42 So then if we go 42 ÷ 7 = 6

So average of 6 per week for 7 months @ 28 weeks (going on 4 weeks a month) = 168

Let’s add-on all my partners 168 + 8 = 176 … err I forgot to add-on some of my friends.. say about 10 – so overall number:


All in all that’s not a bad number if I do say so myself.

However this brings us to the next question, why oh why is the number so important?

I’d love to say that slut shaming is a myth. It’s not. Women all over are adjusting the number of people they’ve slept with to a more “acceptable” number. I think it’s about 10. Why? Does the fact that I was a highly sexual being when I was in my 20’s limit who I am now? Does my cunt work differently somehow? Because from what I gather, it works fine. Like any muscle the more you work it the better it gets no? Well I don’t know about that, all I know is that there’s something to be said about having a g-spot orgasm that makes me feel like I’ve done 3 months worth of kegals in one go.

Er, back to case on point.

Here’s an actual table of the number of sexual partners from a survey in 2009:



So being that I’m a Turkish Australian what does this graph say about me? Well. I guess it just says that I’m more highly sexual than most.

Coming back to the slut shaming though, wiki explains it as:

It is a neologism used to describe the act of making any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors or desires that deviate from traditional or orthodox gender expectations, or that which may be considered to be contrary to natural or religious law.

As a kinky pervert I guess I already fit outside the traditional or orthodox gender expectations. As someone who loves sex and especially having it with someone who I’ve got an emotional and mental connection with makes it even better. This ties into why I wasn’t having a stupid amount of sexual relations when I could.

Plus, I’ve masturbated furiously to Loki talking about setting up final fantasy macro’s once. And once your partner hears you get off to gaming talk, there’s no going back.


So all in all, what I wanted to know is why people feel the need to make someone less of what they are depending on how many people they’ve slept with? Why does putting out on the first date mean that you aren’t an acceptable partner? Why do people find the number of people who’ve been in my cunt so fascinating? Why do we feel the need to tie in sexual relations to the morality of someone?

Just because I like sex doesn’t make me less of a person. It just makes me secure in my sexuality. I know what I like. Yet it’s not my sex life that’s made me who I am, it’s my life experiences with interacting with people outside of the bedroom.


  • maurnas

    Thanks for posting this. Also, the more diverse number of partners you have, the better you are. Usually. People who have only had sex with one person are really really good, at pleasing that one person. You are awesome!

    • Sharn

      Well yes, I think so! At least in most cases that’s true. Although I just hate that we are seemingly defined by the number of people we’ve slept with and not the achievements we’ve got in life.

      It makes me wonder what you could be missing about someone if you only focus on the thing in their pants as the defining point.

      Awww shucks, thank you! I think you’re pretty awesome too! 🙂

  • TK

    Great topic. I think the answer to your question probably has something to do with traditional ideas about marriage, women and the purpose of sex. The idea that women can do what they want, when they want and with any consenting partner of their choice is still pretty new to society. You’re right, though. How many sexual partners we’ve had shouldn’t matter. It’s probably a good way to filter people. Those who care are far to judgmental to make good friends and those who don’t are super awesome people.

    • Sharn

      I totally agree on the point that sexual liberation has come late for women.

      Yet as much as sexual liberation has come around, I don’t think men have caught up to it. Because more and more I hear about how there are no “decent” girls left because they all put out for anyone and anything.

      Yet it makes me wonder, just because they put out doesn’t mean anything apart from what it is. It doesn’t devalue them. It doesn’t make them less of a person.

      I just don’t see thought processes changing on that front and yet, one day, I hope it will!

  • uniquelymeme

    Well do the damn thing girl! I understand, I went through a similar period where I was consitantly getting werked on, but hey it was fun. Come to think of it it was alwasy summer time. hey thats when men are on the prowl. Its easier to grab them then.

    • Sharn

      Do what thing? 🙂

      Oh mine was just solidly through the year, they are easy pickings any time of the year over here! It’s just a matter of wanting one I guess? I don’t know, I haven’t been in that game since my early 20’s which were over a decade ago so I don’t know how much the scene might have changed!

  • Blossom Brouillard

    Great post. Although the chart blew my mind a bit. I’m happy to say that I guess I’m a late product of the Sexual revolution, (which btw, inspired the book/film “Looking For Mr. Goodbar.) I have NO idea how many partners I’ve had. In my 20’s, it was such a friendly environment back then. I liken it to the 1920’s when it wasn’t uncommon to have a bowl of cocaine on a bar. In th late 70’s it wasn’t uncommon to meet someone, have sex, and never expect to hear from them again. It was all very friendly. Kind of like sharing a cigarette. (I don’t smoke anymore either.) My best friend said he tried to figure it out once. Running the numbers, min. 3 partners a week for at least 3 years, that 156 per year. That’s without latex! And I never got ANYTHING creepy. Not even any creepy guys or experiences. A couple marriage proposals. I had sex with you ex about 5 hours after meeting. We didn’t even know each other’s names! (We were married 8 months later, for 24 years. I was nut preggers, btw)

    As far as I’m concerned, if someone is eager to know how many partners you’ve had, it’s likely to guage your interest level in sex, or your Sexual hygiene in terms of disease (not sure frequency is a good marker, I was completely unscathed.) I don’t knew about you, but if I’m in love with someone, I have neither the need nor the desire to know his history unless he’s a drag in bed. If he lacked experience, that might explain it. In which case, together, I’d like to bring him up to speed. ..So to speak.

    Embrace your sexuality. I think the word SLUT is archaic. The only value it has is as a comic device. I love the sound of it. (Thank you, Bill Murray on SNL for “Jane, you ignorant slut!”)

    • Sharn

      hahaha write away!! I love seeing these glimpses into your life!

      It was very much the same for me in my early 20’s – except there was no line of coke, I think I was cheated!

      I’m very anal retentive about my sexual health actually. I get checked often, because our health care is free and I can. It’s a piece of mind thing really.

      I’ve embraced my sexuality to the fullest I think. I love my life and my past has lead me to this point. I have no regrets 🙂

  • bethteliho

    Very interesting post about numbers and how they define us as women. It’s true, I think women want to have a “good” number; one that says they aren’t a prude, but they aren’t a slut (I hate that term) either. Even I’m aware of the undercurrent of expectation in regards to numbers. I will say your number is leagues higher than mine, and I’m a little jealous. I did get a lot of bang for my buck, though. Lol.

    • Sharn

      Well I think that’s all that should matter isn’t it?

      That we are happy with ourselves and how many people we’ve slept with. I don’t believe it should define who we are so I’m not even going to bother with trying to define myself at all.

      lol – I think bang for your buck is a good thing. I didn’t always get good bang for my buck, or lack thereof! 😀

  • wholelottarosiee

    Reblogged this on Confessions of a Phone Sex Operator and commented:

    This woman. There are no words for how awesome she is.

  • Confessions Of The Confused Woman

    I have gotten to the point where I do just want to have sex! But I am just worried about racking up the numbers and being branded a ‘slut’ but I never quite understood why, if I am in a place where I am sexually aware of myself and not ‘insecure’, it’s such a bad thing? My number is 3 and my friends keep saying to me if I get to over 10 then I will become a slut. Makes me not want to tell anyone anything!

    • Sharn

      I don’t know why over 10 means you are a slut.

      I guess I take the crown at super slutdom. However I don’t see slut as having a bad connentation.

      If someone can eat at the same place for years on end, then why can’t I enjoy my sex?

      And how does the amount of people I’ve slept with affect the fact that I help homeless people, I volunteer at the cat protection society and I help others in need when they need it.

      And realistically… Why do your friends need to label your sex life? Who or however many people you sleep with is your business not anyone else’s.

      My 2 cents 🙂

      • Confessions Of The Confused Woman

        I think most people have it in their head that you all of a sudden become non marriage material, you become ‘that girl that sleeps around and has no respect for herself; she must be insecure!’ My problem is, is that I care too much about what other people think. You are right it isn’t anyones business! My friends are not as sexual as me, they say they enjoy sex but then they don’t explore, I don’t think they would ever really understand.

    • Sharn

      Yeah, there’s a lot of us that don’t. But way too many that do and I find it’s the ones that do like to push their prudish ways onto others.

      Thanks for your comment 🙂

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