I’m somehow not heartbroken over this. Maybe I knew it just wasn’t going to work deep down. I’m not sure, but all I can say is that I’m actually feeling positive.
He’s a lovely guy and I hope that he really finds the girl who is going to be able to work with him and give him what he wants. Obviously I couldn’t and to an extent I wasn’t really ready to give up my life, my loves and my kink to retreat into the mountains and live a solitary life. I think he came to the same conclusion. At least I hope he did because if anything, I was pretty clear that I wasn’t sure if I could do something like that. Not that I wouldn’t give it a go but I have no idea how long I could have lasted without social interaction on a grander scale.
I’d love a house somewhere on a huge acreage. I also want a basement that’s been reverted into a dungeon which is full of wickedly kinky shit. I want a hot tub on the deck so I can run out there naked while it’s snowing and lounge in said hot tub ala the Norwegians. Or is it the Swiss? Look, one of those cold countries…and sit out there with my margarita and toast the snow.
Winter is coming, you know.
But I also want an abode in a city, close to people, music, culture… things. I’m a city girl at heart. I was born in a huge city. I have no idea how well I’d do in a town of less than 500,000.
I love travelling, I’d have had to given that up for a while and the thought of it was breaking my spirit. Even if it’s not travelling out of the country I still want to be able to travel within the country. But that wouldn’t have been an option either. And what about travelling back home to see my family? That wouldn’t have been on the table for him… To not be able to show my partner my home, my crazy family, my land and the beauty here was hard to think about.
Then there was the distance and sexual tension. He didn’t want to budge because he found the entire thing uncomfortable and I refused to give in because I wasn’t getting anything out of it and it never went anywhere. And that’s the point that I started to pull away. I did a lot that made me uncomfortable too. There’s only so much giving I’ll do before I give up and shut shop.
There were too many cons and not enough pro’s.
Granted I’ve never really been broken up with over text message before. Well, there’s a first for everything no?
So good luck, it was nice to have known you and thank you for the laughs.