Personal,  Relationships

Endings and new beginnings

So Loki and I called it quits yesterday.

I’m somehow not heartbroken over this. Maybe I knew it just wasn’t going to work deep down. I’m not sure, but all I can say is that I’m actually feeling positive.

He’s a lovely guy and I hope that he really finds the girl who is going to be able to work with him and give him what he wants. Obviously I couldn’t and to an extent I wasn’t really ready to give up my life, my loves and my kink to retreat into the mountains and live a solitary life. I think he came to the same conclusion. At least I hope he did because if anything, I was pretty clearΒ that I wasn’t sure if I could do something like that. Not that I wouldn’t give it a go but I have no idea how long I could have lasted without social interaction on a grander scale.

I’d love a house somewhere on a huge acreage. I also want a basement that’s been reverted into a dungeon which is full of wickedly kinky shit. I want a hot tub on the deck so I can run out there naked while it’s snowing and lounge in said hot tub ala the Norwegians. Or is it the Swiss? Look, one of those cold countries…and sit out there with my margarita and toast the snow.

Winter is coming, you know.

But I also want an abode in a city, close to people, music, culture… things. I’m a city girl at heart. I was born in a huge city. I have no idea how well I’d do in a town of less than 500,000.

I love travelling, I’d have had to given that up for a while and the thought of it was breaking my spirit. Even if it’s not travelling out of the country I still want to be able to travel within the country. But that wouldn’t have been an option either. And what about travelling back home to see my family? That wouldn’t have been on the table for him… To not be able to show my partner my home, my crazy family, my land and the beauty here was hard to think about.

Then there was the distance and sexual tension. He didn’t want to budge because he found the entireΒ thing uncomfortable and I refused to give in because I wasn’t getting anything out of it and it never went anywhere. And that’s the point that I started to pull away. I did a lot that made me uncomfortable too. There’s only so much giving I’ll do before I give up and shut shop.

There were too many cons and not enough pro’s.

Granted I’ve never really been broken up with over text message before. Well, there’s a first for everything no?

So good luck, it was nice to have known you and thank you for the laughs.

28 Comments

  • Ann St. Vincent

    Well, I hated to “like this” because I’m sad for you that your relationship has ended. But seems perhaps its the best thing in the long run. I am a firm believer now in trusting your gut, and it sounds like you were able to do that in this case – which is great news indeed. But I was startled to read it was done over text, after how long you have been together!

    • Sharn

      Thanks Ann.

      I get it, I think I hated writing this but glad I did too.

      Life throws many things at you sometimes and I think as much as we might have wanted this to work we were two very separate beings and there just wasn’t enough to keep it going – especially via distance.

      Add in the fact that we’re thousands and millions and of miles away from each other and everything just gets even harder.

      He mentioned today that he didn’t want to do it over the phone because he didn’t want me to hear him crying. Still, doesn’t make it easier when it’s done over text, I think sometimes hearing tears is better than getting a detached text message without emotions involved. But maybe it was for the best.

      I don’t think I’d be holding it together as well as I am if I’d have heard it. At least I feel that it’s given me the distance to deal with it a lot better.

  • johnnyid

    I agree with Ann, hard to “like” this one. It’s obviously a tough situation though and it seems like you’re in a good place and handling it well. Still, not fun. It seems like there was a lot of little things that just didn’t quite fit and it never works to force them. Good luck with the new beginning!

    Side note, it made me laugh when I saw my ass on your page. The “Posts I like” widget. I thought that was pretty funny.

    • Sharn

      Thanks Johnny. I think it was a toughie too. But sometimes things work out for the best, even if it’s not the best right now.

      Your ass on my page made me laugh too. I saw it when I was replying to Ann and giggled.

      There should be more asses in my widgets πŸ˜€

      • johnnyid

        I think that’s a good philosophy to go by. The “things work out for the best, even if it’s not the best right now”, not the “there should be more asses in my widgets”, though that would be fun too.

        It will work out for the best, hopefully for the both of you. πŸ™‚

      • Expat Eye

        Ha, I wouldn’t have noticed that if it hadn’t been pointed out! Nothing like a good laugh after feeling sad! Sorry to hear about the break-up but it sounds like there were a lot of differences – probably best that it ended now. Even if it was by text (pah) πŸ˜‰

  • ThroughTheLookingGlassAndDownTheRabbitHole

    I’m liking your bravery for sharing. It sounds like you’re thinking of this really positively, and that’s a really wonderful thing and a great start. You will meet the right person at the right time and at that point, it will just be right (is what I tell myself all the time πŸ˜‰ ).
    Lots of internet huggles to you xxx

    • Sharn

      Thank you. I’ll take all the internet huggles I can get πŸ™‚

      I am going to tell myself that too but in the meantime I’m going to enjoy every day that I have with people that love me. Friends are such amazing people. Especially after a breakup. I’m totally booked out all week!

      I hope I continue with the positivity πŸ™‚

      xx

  • Mark Baron

    hugs
    It takes strength to say goodbye. It takes courage to say this isn’t working. It is beyond commendable to not just let things go and rot until they are festering and bitter.
    You’re pretty damned amazing, Sharn. πŸ™‚ Keep your chin up, because I’ve no doubt at all that there is a very lucky man out there who will find you.

    • Sharn

      Thank you Mark πŸ™‚

      That’s really sweet of you to say. I’m just going to focus on myself for a while I think before I can even think of dating. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing either.

  • bethteliho

    Well shit. That’s a bummer, but you know in your gut what’s best for you. Good for you for being strong enough to call it quits. You deserve all the things you want out in life AND a great partner, not either or.
    hugs

  • Hella Buzzed

    Sorry to hear friend….You will find someone better. You always seem to have an exciting sex life so I am not going to worry about you too much πŸ˜‰ You will be fine. Be bummed for a sec then get back out there.

    • Sharn

      haha, I’m feeling it πŸ™‚

      I’m taking time out for myself at the moment. No sex life. I need to refocus and regroup, yanno? Zen out for a wee while.

      But thank you πŸ™‚

  • Julie Butler Chanteuse

    Hi Sharn, I’m just seeing this now, as your latest post shows up first.

    Ditto what everyone else said! I’m sorry you have to deal with this. But I know you’ll be fine. The coolest thing is that you know yourself well enough to now what doesnt work, Ave to do something about it. Too often I think women, as problem solvers, become a bit too malleable. Before you know it, you’ve lost a piece of yourself and it can be a struggle to get it back.

    As for breaking up via text, I can’t imagine that. Then again, I didn’t knew what texting was the l last time I had a real break up.

    I hope in some ways it makes it cleaner and easier to dismiss somehow. Glad you’ve got great friends and they’re keeping you busy.

    This too shall pass darlin’! Xoxo

    • Sharn

      Thank you so much Julie and yes, yes it will.

      I think I’m getting too old to deal with the bullshit we tell ourselves for love and acceptance. I’m ok being alone, a relationship has never defined who I am.

      Love and hugs. X

  • divorcedandsingleblog

    So good that you feel positive about the whole thing. I always get attached and feel sentimental, no matter how shitty the relationship was.
    In your case it’s better that you broke up. It looks like you were completely different people.

    • Sharn

      I’m too old for that shit lol seriously. Love is never enough and it takes a lot to realise that and do something about it before you ruin each other and create even more baggage.

      We just had different goals in life is all, we got along fine but it’s just not enough to build a life on which is what I ultimately want if I end up with someone.

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