Here I was reading my paper and enjoying my soup when I came across this article – it’s about a spreadsheet that a husband made of all the times his wife said no to sex with the excuses written next to them.
Which got me thinking.
If this was me I’d be mortified and really pissed off, but then on the other hand I’m not known for saying no for the right people.
What it makes me wonder is why he would make a spreadsheet in the first place?
Why can’t he turn to his wife and say “hey babe, I’m so horny and you’re looking so freaking hot, how about I spend some time under the sheets until you’re begging for it?”
Sometimes us women like to be wooed a little. Just saying, “wanna fuck?” works when we’re raving horny. All other times we need the coaxing. Waving your penis at me and then getting upset because it didn’t turn me on is really not attractive. Nor is it fair. Women just don’t work that way.
We need something a little more… This could include a hot shower together where you wash my hair. Or being decadent and saying let’s have desert in bed. Or on the couch, or on the floor, table, kitchen bench…. whispering dirty thoughts you’re having about what you want to do to me when we’re alone in my ear throughout dinner while we’re out will get me going where you’re guaranteed that I won’t be able to wait till alone and probably wrap my mouth around your cock while we’re driving home.
The other is that I have a rule. No fucking TV’s in the bedroom. Especially if that’s all your other half does when you get into bed.
Just don’t do it. TV is in the living room for a reason. The bedroom should be for other things. If you want to watch a movie then get out the laptop or tablet. Better yet, move to the couch and do it there. If you want a television in the bedroom while we’re living together we’re going to have troubles from the get go.
Plus the crumbs in bed thing? It is a pet hate of mine and makes me twitch uncontrollably.
But back to the spreadsheet. It had me wondering.
Most guys, it seems, expect a yes when they ask for it. The thought of actually putting in some effort seems a bit hard. I know when I want some I don’t just ask and then pout. When one gets comfortable in a relationship, does all sense of making an effort go out the window? Is this a patriarchal cave man inbuilt switch that turns on when you’ve been with a man for longer than X months? Do they then expect that when they are horny we have to put out without them putting in an effort? Is it that once they know they are committed in a relationship it becomes something that is just expected and not thought to be anything else but a way for him to get off?
I never had this problem when I date women. It’s not about I want sex now, you Jane, give me sex now. No sex? Oh wah wah wah. It’s about the slow build up, it’s about the soft touches, the murmers, the wrapping your fingers in their hair as you nuzzle their necks and bite at them softly. It’s about turning their “I’m so tired” into “you make me so horny, let’s fuck right now!”
Work for it. Put in some effort. Why do we all expect everything on a platter these days without working for it? Sex is the same.
Sure some nights I love to be ravished. Some nights I love doing the ravishing. Some nights I want to be tied up and fucked until I’m crying for no more and other nights I want to be treated like a princess and talked into it.
Communication of desires + give + take = fucking good sex.