Dating,  Feminism

No, I am not your object.

This post is brought to you my ranty mcrant pants. And the fact that men would rather treat me as a piece of meat than having a normal conversation.

More and more I’m starting to get annoyed with OKC.

It’s pretty easy to tell you why too. Because the men that message me seem to think that they are doing me a huge favour by telling me how awesome my tits are.

Or how beautiful my smile, if only it was giving them a blow job.

What the ever-loving fuck people?

Is this just me?

Am I meant to fall over myself in adoration to these men, these men who think that just because they have a penis and I have a vagina that all I want is their backhanded compliments?

Like I need them to validate my own desires, my self, my sexuality. I do not exist for you to look at, to validate me. To own me.

To them I say fuck you.


Fuck you for making me feel like I’m some cheap novelty toy to be gawked at.

Fuck you for then thinking that turning around and calling me a fat ugly slut is something that you believe is going to shame me into letting you have your way. Do you think that I base my self worth on anything negative you could say to me? I laugh at your attempts to cut me down because I didn’t throw myself at your feet and glorify in your appraisals of my appendages. Because that’s all I am after all, a sum of parts, no?

Fuck you for believing that throwing a compliment at me, like someone throws meat at a crocodile, is somehow meant to make me pliant to your wants and desires.

Fuck you for even believing that after I thwart your objectification you then realise you might need to appeal to my intellect and start behaving and interacting like a human you apologise and think, in that miniscule sexist brain of yours, that I would still be interested.

And fuck you, because if your mother’s knew how you were talking to women they’d disown you.

Just fuck you.

And for anyone else, this is an awesome video on sexual awareness and objectification.


    • Sharn

      Possibly Phil, but I also realise that I know some pretty amazing guys – yourself included – that realise my outrage and give me the nod of acknowledgement.

      Plus I figure the more we speak out about it, I hope the more it makes other men think twice.


  • Mark Baron

    What I hate about those Asshat McFucksticks is that they make it impossible for a decent guy to pay a legitimate compliment to the way a woman looks without sounding like a creep. One can admire the way someone looks without objectifying them, but assholes make women so knee-jerk defensive (and rightfully so) that they ruin it got the rest of us.

    • Sharn

      I know Mark, I am happy to take actual compliments. Which doesn’t objectify me down to an individual body part, or some sexual gratification tool.

      I think there’s a huge difference in complimenting someone on how they look and making a comment to objectify them.

      But you are right in a way, here’s to hoping that we can have an understanding about compliments vs sexual objectification.

      I mean, I’m more expensive than a sex toy! Which is what these guys are ultimately reducing me too. It’s annoying.

      • Mark Baron

        You, my dear, are way more than just more expensive than a sex toy. You are amaze-balls-awesome-pants, and any man who disagrees can have an intimate conversation with my steel toes…and his groin. 😉

        • Sharn

          Naaaaaaaw Mark! Thank you 😀

          We can tag team steel toe groinage them! Because, you know, heaven forbid I don’t get any of the fun bit…

  • Just Plain Ol' Vic

    Shit…I don’t think I have ever acted that way before and I still felt like a POS after that rant!


    Seriously though, good for you having expectations, sticking to your guns and never settling for less!

    • Sharn

      I didn’t mean for you to feel that way! I’m sure you are one if the many guys I know who are actually polite and decent human beings.

      I’m just tired of the constant barrage that I seem to get on OKC that doesn’t revolve around discussion at all.

      And if a guy can’t talk to me without objectifying me from the get go then I’m not interested. Don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of sexual objectification in a relationship with my partner. But from random strangers? No thanks.

        • Sharn

          Maybe I’m weird like that, I like making sure there’s a distinction in everything in my life. It’s really important, especially when you do what I do in the kinky lifestyle, to make sure that everyone is consenting to what’s about to happen first.

          I guess that carries onto everything else in my life too 🙂

  • Evie the Rabbit

    Hear hear! I’m right there with you! You mention in one of the comments that you’re trying to educate them as you go along. When I start to really get fed up with this behavior on OKC, I like to get sassy and call them on it. It usually ends with one of us blocking the other, so I don’t know how successful I am in educating these guys, other than teaching them that saying shit like that to a woman who openly identifies as feminist is more trouble than it’s worth. Maybe you have better luck?

    Also, it’s funny you write this today. I have a post scheduled for a couple of hours from now about CONSENSUAL sexual objectification and how it can be hot to be treated as a “cheap novelty toy” and a “piece of meat”. I quote something you wrote a while ago about the same thing. What you’re writing about in this post is, of course, undesirable from misogynistic strangers, but put me in a situation where a feminist partner that I trust is calling me these things and treating me like a toy because s/he knows I want it – that’s awesome.

    • Sharn

      Thanks sweetie.

      That’s exactly it. I love nothing more than an amazing sexual objectification play with a partner, who I trust and love, but from strangers?

      Fuck em.

      İ don’t know, sometimes I snap and rant then block people too lol but I try really hard to tell them why they just fucked up the communication.

  • Jackie

    Just like the dick pic dickhead it’s all just a ploy to get sex. Recognising you as a woman after objectifying first gives away the game completely. Didn’t even warrant them trying an ethical way into the bedroom means they don’t even care about turning you on, because we all know it ain’t going to make you come by the “holy penis” alone.
    Made. Of. Stupid.

    • Sharn

      Oh gosh, your epic “holy penis” guy was epic lol

      I hadn’t laughed that hard in a while.

      However same principle.I just hope that there’s a lot more women out there standing up and saying no instead of letting these guys get away with it. I really really hope so.

        • Sharn

          İt’s got nothing to do with age and everything to do with me not wanting people on OKC to have access to it. Or if they do have access to it, linking it to my profile.

          Just a personal preference.

          • Julie Butler Chanteuse

            I understand. It may be that it will reach up and bite me in the tusch one day. Then again, I haven’t been on a date in ages.

            I will say one thing about the jerks, it’s a bit like racists. The ones who are obvious age not as insidious. I can’t being to count how data I’ve gone on with guys who seemed nice and interesting, only to reveal that “other” side. When you call them on it, they try to talk their way out if it, but it’s all BS.

          • Sharn

            I’m sure you’ll be fine! I just prefer to keep things separate.

            I haven’t been on one through OKC either. I put that down to men that message me not having a hope in hell.

            However I’m usually a downright bitch to most people on there. That probably doesn’t help. But it’s a pet hate of mine, asking me shit that’s already in my profile. Quick way to making me snark.

          • Julie Butler Chanteuse

            Honestly, I know tit for tat is never supposed to be a solution. But watching the video you posted, objectification and sexism is so deeply embedded in our culture I think we’re at the bottom of the well. I hate to say it but I’m inclined to think the only viable solution might be to level the playing field by objectifying men. Trying to reverse that thought process is tantamount to trying to get all the guns the streets to fight violence. It will never happen.

          • Sharn

            İf that’s how you feel, however it’s not how I do.

            An eye for an eye never won anyone anything. And I’m sorry you feel that way, but I don’t think fighting hate with hate works. Plus it uses up too much energy that I can’t be bothered wasting.

            I’m not going to start now 🙂

            Plus, we got rid of all our guns a while ago.

            Just because it’s not happening quick enough doesn’t mean it’s not changing.

            Just my 2 cents worth.

          • Julie Butler Chanteuse

            I know. You’re right. I’m not sure it’s coming from a place of hate as much as it is ignorance. I guess it doesn’t matter.

            I’m not big on hate by a long shot!

            Don’t mind me. You just caught me in a mood.

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