The delicious art of a good spanking

I realise lately that I’ve done a lot of introspective posts about my feelings and thoughts, so I thought I’d mix it up a bit and write about some of my favourite activities…


My first ever spanking session went for just over an hour and a bit, about 12 years ago now.

So my friends tell me. I can’t remember most of the pain, all I remember is how it smarted, I remember thinking that I possibly couldn’t take any more as I was pushing through another pain barrier and the intensity started up all over again, it made me wiggle and giggle, it made me squirm and finally it made me fly. The lady who gave me said spanking is still one of my very good friends and her hands will always be some that I remember with delight.

So let’s go into the exquisite art of spanking. Because there is you know, it’s not just walloping for wallopings sake.

There’s a spanking sweet spot for me, just like the caning sweet spot. Except the caning sweet spot is in that sweet sweet fold of skin where your butt cheeks meet the top of your thighs and when you bend over and get caned right there it also catches your labia and you feel that burn through your body as your breath catches and you ride the waves of intense white-hot pain. But this isn’t my post about caning.

Let’s get back to the spankening fun times.

Spanking also has fine points. There are areas you want to avoid and areas that will give your hand and the spankee the best of times. There are areas you can go to where they will push your spankee’s pain tolerance and the sweet spots that will make them moan and wiggle in a good way. It’s important to know which areas do what because depending on what kind of top you are, you may feel like giving them a good time with some slight evil included or you may want to make them cry for you. Either way, you’re covering all the bases by learning which areas do what and go from there.

I was going to draw aΒ diagram but found this nifty site with pictures!!

I crossed out the spanking genitals because unless you’re a new person then this shouldn’t be out of the question. Especially for us masochists, it’s sometimes divine.

I went to a few workshops on the art of spanking by a lady who works in the UK – she offers spanking as her only repertoire for her clients. Or her bottom as a spankee. I think this is a job I would highly enjoy, if I could find a market for it here.

The area in the above diagram calls for 70-80% of spanking to be done in that area, and I agree. I think it’s the spots that will have your bottom soaring with the right hits. Don’t forget that if you cup your hand, the pain will be different as will the sound. If you spank open-handed the dispersal of pain again, is more spread and sometimes more intense depending on how bony your fingers are. You can have a closed fingered spanking hand which will again, give a slight variation on the sound and feel of the spank. For extended spanking sessions I tend to alternate from loose hand to closed fingered. And never forget that you are going to have your hand smart as much as their bottom.

Some tops I’ve played with have used leather gloves to extend the spanking a bit longer before your hand gives out. Other’s use other implements. I was lucky enough to have an old partner use vampire gloves on me. What are vampire gloves? Here’s a picture of mine…

Vampire Gloves

Well they weren’t mine per se, but after my ex used them on my arse and I bled all over them, they kind of became my own. He found that spanking me with these and then using alcohol wipes on my arse made me scream really nicely. I hated it. I could have taken an extra 50 more hits with the glove than those stupid alcohol wipes, but then, the more I play with people, the more I find that they enjoy making me endure things that I don’t always like. And to be honest, I love that they do this. It means I get to experience things that normally I’d back out of and run given half the chance. Who said being a masochist was easy?

Oh my, I got sidetracked again.

Spanking. Yes.

T9tjUZsNow I’m not sure what kind of spanking these people have got with the hand, but honestly, I had a black arse from just a hand spanking before. Black and bruised all over. I remember every time I drove over a speed hump in the car I’d giggle with the reminder. It hurt in such a good way. But obviously, this is a great guideline for people who aren’t very sadistic nor have a very masochist bottom. I find that when one plays with a true sadist, all bets are off about the marks you walk away with unless otherwise negotiated that there is to be no marking. But then where’s the fun if I can’t see or feel those pretty bruises?

There’s quite a few implements you can use to spank someone, my preference is hand and over the knee, only because it’s a nicer connection with your top or bottom. But that’s my personal preference. Obviously you can use paddles, crops, canes, wooden spoons, spatulas… there’s a whole host of horrible hurting implements in the kitchen draw I bet you had no idea about!

I’ve had a few wooden spoons broken on my arse, but nothing quite gets me going like good skin to skin contact. Experimenting with different items is half the fun, but sometimes you can’t go pass the classics.

Now obviously anything prolonged in the same area is going to start marking. Usually with hands the most damage you can do is have some welts raised, unless you are wearing jewellery. Which I suggest you take off before you start spanking someone, unless you and the bottom are happy with cuts to the skin that will bleed. For those that do not want marks this is not a good thing.

Obviously other implements will add an element of marking that may or may not break the skin. Caning will definitely break the skin after a while. I’ve been spanked soundly by a quirt, which didn’t break the skin, but did leave raised marks where it bit my skin rather hard and blood blisters. Again, these were rather fun to poke during the week.

But never forget that after all spanking, your bottom will need time to come down, as will you.

Some bottoms, like me won’t be big on the aftercare for a lot of play – the harder it is the more care I’ll need afterwards, however there are a lot more out there that do and it’s important for you and them to take care of yourselves afterwards because the putting back together is as important as the deconstructing.

Never forget to check with your bottom what their favoured aftercare method is.

But most of all, enjoy that smarting bottom and the joys that come with spanking!

I am long overdue one I think.


*** Side note: As with all things BDSM I figured I didn’t need to include in here the things that you should be doing before and after – the negotiation or the discussions. Obviously communication, honest, clear and concise communication is a huge thing. Use it. As a bottom you are allowed to raise concerns, before the scene, during the scene and after the scene. Use your words, if you aren’t feeling it make it stop. For not making it stop will cause you damage. Believe me on this. You are allowed to change your mind mid scene. You are allowed to change your mind prior to the scene or hell, even near the end. Do not just “take it” because you feel like you will be a bad submissive. You will be a worse one if you don’t communicate to your top that you’re in a bad place for they will lose trust in your judgement of yourself. They don’t want to hurt you in a bad way and would rather know if you are not enjoying something, remember that. This is meant to be fun.


      • divorcedandsingleblog

        I did. Also one of my best friend is a true kinkster and she was the first I have ever met and that convinced me that kinksters are just normal, lovely people. I think there is quite a big stigma about those kind of things.

        • Sharn

          I think there is too. And we are quite normal and lovely people, just because we like a bit of spice added doesn’t mean that we’re evil or nasty.

          I hate the stigma associated with being kinky – I think I’m relatively normal! I mean all I want is a few kinky people to love and who love me back, I’ll get there eventually πŸ™‚

  • ramblingg0at

    Oh my lorrdddyyy sharn!! Meow!

    Like you know, I’m new to spanking. I thought it was all a bit silly and potentially a little bit demeaning. But I tried it anyway for the sake of ticking some things off my list and golly me, the sting is quite nice indeed! It actually made me grin.

    I do think that it has to be the right person though. I had a younger fwb who was a Dom (but didn’t know it yet) who smacked my arse during sex once and it wasn’t nice. I knew in my mind that he was a Dom but he wasn’t my Dom. I trust him or respect him yet so it threw me off a little. Trust and respect goes a long way to enjoying those spankings! πŸ™‚

    Side question: has bdsm spankings got anything to do with being spanked as a child? I wasn’t spanked as a kid but I’m quite enjoying it now. Something to ponder!

    • Sharn

      Hello my dearling Goaty one πŸ™‚

      I know what you mean, the first time someone tried to spank me I giggled like a school girl through it all and thought it was horrible.

      But like most things kink, you obviously need to find someone you have some good energy with to share the joys that is spanking. Or caning. Or whipping, or whatever else floats your boat.

      I’ve had dominants who suck at being sadistic, I know my ex wasn’t a sadist at all. He was more into sensation play. Which is great, except my masochist was feeling left out. There have been loads of people I’ve played with and it was “off” shall we say. I guess I was wise enough to call it to a closure before the end of the scene because I just wasn’t feeling it. And honestly, if you aren’t feeling it then instead of causing yourself damage it’s best to pull out the red button and push that fucker.

      Yes, trust and respect do go a long way, however I’ve been spanked by people I’ve not known well who were master’s of their art and it also went swimmingly well. I guess what it comes down to for me, is not how much I respect them as a person, but how much I trust them and have a connection with them. So I guess in a way you to have to trust them. For me though, I know I’ve thrown caution to the wind before based on just the chemistry I’ve had with someone. I guess I’ve been lucky that it’s always been mind blowing πŸ˜‰

      Nah, I wasn’t spanked as a child, if anything I believe the doctor spanked me back to life after I came out a bit dead. But honestly, I don’t see any correlation to my being a masochist to my childhood at all. My relationship with pain is about being able to let go. To yield. There’s a reason I have that tattoo’d on the back of my neck πŸ™‚ Sometimes it isn’t about anything but sensation and where it takes you, where it pushes you, where it breaks you and how it puts you back together again.

      I’m going to be writing about cathartic whippings soon, I think that might explain a bit better what I mean in regards to yielding and using pain as a way to process everything else.

      But spankings? I just love how they make me come so hard when it’s bare handed with the right person. Ahhh that sweet spot! <3

      • ramblingg0at

        Cum from a spank woooooheeeeee I’m going to need to get more spankings to see if I’m able to as well :O πŸ˜€ can’t believe I didn’t try it properly sooner!

        Maybe my respect-being-necessary issue is more of a comfort thing. I need to know them and feel comfortable before the kinks come out. Can’t say I’ve ever had a kinky one night stand now that I think about it.. But in saying that I could have known someone for years who I don’t respect as a person and I wouldn’t let them spank me. I may not think they’re worthy of dominating me. But then again I probably wouldn’t be having sex with them anyway! Hmm who knows, definitely food for thought. Its sure got me thinking.

        Looking forward to the next post. Once again (or is it always?) you’ve got this little spring all wound up! πŸ˜‰

        • Sharn

          Ahh honey, I do so love winding you up! The popping is such joy πŸ˜€

          Yeah, the whole coming from a spanking is a new thing and it’s only with certain people. So I dare say it comes down to my connections with the spanker.

          Nah I don’t think it’s a comfort thing, I think it’s a definite draw thing. I don’t just let anyone have a go, but the select few I have it’s been because I’ve had some kind of chemistry where I knew I’d be ok.

          I think there’s a huge thing where you have to listen to yourself. Trust your instincts and follow them.

          And granted someone hurting me doesn’t equate to them dominating me. I think there’s a huge difference in being dominated and being topped. I don’t let many dominate me. I can recall a handful, if that. I bottom for a lot of different people though πŸ™‚

          • ramblingg0at

            Gosh, I don’t think I’d let a top spank me either, just a Dom. I really need to get out and test these theories! Hopefully soooooon, my curiosity is being egged on by mischievous bloggers and I can’t take it for much longer!! πŸ˜›

          • Sharn

            Not all doms are spankers though. And not all tops are dominants.

            Sadists match my masochist when I need it most, and those sadists are some my dear friends so it all sits in rather nicely most of the time.

            I don’t need to be dominated to play, in fact there’s such separate beasts sometimes that they don’t even overlap πŸ˜‰

            But I think that just comes from experience and knowing yourself. I’ve been doing this too long to not know.

            I used to think that I couldn’t play outside of a dominant/submissive relationship too. I grew out of it after a few years of being out in the scene and experiencing a lot of different interactions with various people. Especially since I was doing a lot of shows at Hellfire every week πŸ˜‰

          • ramblingg0at

            :O πŸ˜€ I want to watch! The first guy who choked me had friends who were hellfire regulars. I wouldn’t be surprised if he went there himself but not in the 2 years I dated him. I was young and pretty vanilla back then, the poor bastard πŸ˜›

            Yeah I definitely encounter more tops than doms. Its not necessarily a bad thing because now I truly appreciate a Dom when I find them. I’m a switch but lurk on the subby side most of the time πŸ˜€

            Its kinda cool that everyone is different though, this is what makes life (and the bedroom!) fun πŸ˜‰

            And once again we have entered the bdsm sharing zone hahaha gnite my dear! Xo

          • Sharn

            hehehe, I have pictures from way back in the day somewhere I’m sure I could be pursaded to show you. Granted they were early 2000’s till about 2007 so dunno if it would be same time frame πŸ˜‰

            I dunno, prefer calling myself a sadomasochist. I honestly don’t find many people worthy of submitting to so I would rather dabble with friends in our shared arts so to speak!

            Yes, we have, lol sweet dreams!! xoxox

    • Sharn

      Hahahaha! Yeah, it kind of misses the while feel of it being a naughty delight when one has to say “oi, throw me over your knee and give me a spanking will you?” πŸ˜‰

    • Sharn


      You know, I think the world would be a better place if you did πŸ˜‰

      Though I think the looks on everyone’s faces would be priceless!

  • shearstearsandrice

    Sigh. I wish I could still OTK with my hand. When you said your first spanking experience went over an hour, my first thought was, HOT! But then you said something about her HAND, and immediately my sympathy went out for the hands of said spanker.
    Carpel Tunnel has led me to embrace the fine art of caning and paddles. This amazing post gave this old girl some vast insight. No matter the medium, a good spanking still has the same foundation. Love it! I’m going back hopiing there’s a reblog button. If not, just know I thoroughly enjoyed this!

    • Sharn

      I’m so sorry to hear that you can’t do the OTK, however I’m glad that you got something from it.

      You are right that mediums will vary but sometimes the result is the same.

  • Raymond

    I am reaching out to a partner who loves to be spanked. I have never been there and I am looking for sites and education to satisfy her needs.

    • Sharn

      I don’t know of any sites to be honest.

      All I can suggest is take it slow to start with and ask for her feedback.

      She’ll let you know if you did something not quite how she likes her spankings. I know with me, I love it when it’s consistent and I get skin rubs in between the smacks.

      But sometimes a spanking isn’t about me and the mix up varies. There is no hard and fast rule, it’s a journey you both well be going on. Just make sure to avoid those areas I listed in my post and everything else is fair game πŸ™‚

  • Phil

    I have for many years felt the need to experience some traditional Corporal Punishment. I have tried to supress these feelings, but now think that I should seek out a Professional Disciplinarian and recieve the Punishment that I desire. I feel that I would like to admitt faults or bad behaviour so that I would be recieving a proper punishment that was deserved. I would like to see a strict Lady Disciplinarian and recieve a good old fashioned OTK Bare Bottom Hand Spanking followed by a good Caning also on the Bare. I think what I find the most appealing is the thought of having my pants lowered and presenting my bare bottom for the necessary. I find some of the comments on here regarding unnecessary stigma very comforting in making me realise that there is nothing wrong in desiring this kind of punishment. I hope I will be able to pluck enough courage up to arrange this much needed Discipline. I look forward to any thoughts and advice.

    Kind Regards

    • Sharn

      Hi there Phil,

      Thank you for your comment and taking time to write it out. I am so glad that you have found my article helpful and there is no shame is exploring options.

      Just don’t rush into anything. If you are going to take the time to see a Dominatrix then make sure you find one that you are comfortable with and will be happy to submit to. Remember that it’s also a two way street, they are human too and sometimes you just might not work so well together, so take it slow, ask a lot of questions if you’re unsure and then go in for a slow build up which is, no doubt, what they will do for you anyway πŸ™‚

      And remember, have fun!!!



      • Philip

        Thank you for your reply and advice Sharn. I would like to find a suitable Female Disciplinarian who I could see to pay for my misdemeanours. I would like to find someone who specialises in traditional Corporal Punishment, and would like to be Punished in a Domestic setting or maybe an Headmistresses office setting. A good OTK Spanking followed by a sound Bare Bottom Caning is what I need. I agree that these things should not be rushed and the right person should be sought. I do respect that it has to be right for the Punisher as well as the person being punished. Thanks again I will continue to try and find the right person.

        Kind Regards

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