Aren’t we all alone, really? Mixed emotions.
I saw Cern last night, granted briefly, we coupled rushed and rough. I made him a very late dinner, which tasted amazing and we talked. He explained that he went there with the other lass over the weekend. The one that expressed a bit of jealousy of me. So today has seen me feeling a bit off kilter.
I’m unstable. My boundaries feel like they’ve blurred. So I messaged Cern this morning for clarification. Of my place in his life, which is so full already and now this. Should I take a step back and let them do their thing? What is my place? Does he have time for me in all this? He wanted to think about it, so I’m giving him space to do just that.
In the meantime this song came up in my music mix list and I thought I should blog about this. This feeling of dread that’s settled in the pit of my stomach.
We are all alone at the end of the day aren’t we? It’s about who we decide to share all the other bits of ourselves with.
So then I guess it becomes about knowing where I stand with Cern. I want to share bits of myself with him and every time I see him I feel like I have an emotional drop the next day. I don’t know what it is, but he leaves me emotionally frayed. The little things get to me. I get introspective and I start to question a lot of things.
So I’m hoping that with some clarification from him I can decide where I stand. If I’m just a fuck and nothing more than I can regulate my emotions for him and leave it as just a fuck once a week and get on with my life.
But without knowledge of where I stand I feel like I’m flailing around without much of an anchor.
Ps. Cuntmonkeyface still hasn’t replied to me. It’s now a week and a half. I’ve gone from being angry to contemplating going to Vegas and marrying him… I don’t know what to do now. Part of me thinks that she’s being a bitch and for that I’m not walking away from him for that. He’s a part of my life and I love him. Either way, I’ll see him next year. Whether she likes it or not.
31 Comments
xs2rahulz
That Part of you thinks a lot
Sharn
What part?
xs2rahulz
which is still thinking about him !
Sharn
I don’t get it. Sorry.
xs2rahulz
just wanted to say you think a lot about things which makes you not happy.
Sharn
So you think I should just break up with Cern & Scotty?
Of course people think about what they aren’t happy with. It’s a natural reaction. If you don’t think about how else in hell are you meant to fix it? :/
xs2rahulz
Breaking up is a big thing , just wanted to say just relax give your self and them some time , things might ease up , you also might understand what you all want and probably they would also.
Sharn
I am relaxed.
Now that I got it off my chest and told Cern I’m positively happy.
I know what I want. That’s not the problem.
xs2rahulz
Cool , Why don’t you start making plans for the holidays coming ahead , that should be refreshing !
Sharn
I already have plans 🙂
xs2rahulz
Now this sounds Interesting 😉
Sharn
Not really.
I have a friend visiting. That’s about it.
xs2rahulz
Enjoy Yourself !
Sharn
I will 🙂
xs2rahulz
I am sure on that too.
Ann St. Vincent
I wish for you that Cern could have responded vigorously and assertively that YOU are the one he wants in his life. Sigh. I’m sorry… I hope it’s an okay outcome when he figures out what he wants. I completely understand that desire to just know where you fit in so you can regulate your feelings accordingly.
We probably know people in Las Vegas…maybe someone can stage an intervention and make her talk to you? xoxo
Sharn
One day Ann, one day we are going to find men that vigorously & assertively opt for us.
One day.
I don’t see the point in forcing her to talk to me. I honestly don’t. I don’t care enough about her feelings to do that. I care about him though and this might hurt him. It’s a pity she can’t put his feelings above her own.
Ann St. Vincent
Yes we shall. I have faith my dear <3
And I agree there is no point in forcing it, and absolutely that it demonstrates something about her character. I hope he sees that.
Sharn
Me too 🙁
Sad but true. I hope he sees it too.
ramblingg0at
Cuntmonkeyface! LOL
Lets just turn up at her house and be all ‘no one ignores a facebook msg, what are you?!?! A fricken thumbless sloth?!’ Then I’ll moon her, just to offer some more crazy confusion to the mix. It might help! Orrr might get me a black eye.
Sharn
Bwahahahaha!
We’re going to get arrested…
ramblingg0at
When in rome..? If I don’t get arrested in vegas I want my money back hahahahahahahah
Sharn
Oh golly!Hee Hee Hee!
Phil Taylor
We are never as alone as we think we are. You mentioned your boundaries feeling blurry. Another way to say blurry is gray area. Play in the gray. Use the uncertainty to learn about yourself and the others in your life. If the boundaries are blurry push them to see what’s there.
Sharn
I am playing in the grey, never fear Phil.
I just need clarification as to how much emotion I put in.
Phil Taylor
Nobody can answer that but you
Sharn
True that. Which is why I need some clarification.
I need to know where to put my goal posts 😉 everything else is relative.
Phil Taylor
The easiest way to find out where you stand with someone is to ask.
Sharn
I did 🙂
bethteliho
My two cents: if you had to ask him, you already have your answer. If you don’t know by now where you stand with him, then you’re a weekly fuck. Sorry to sound harsh, but guys put in effort if they really want something. You wouldn’t have to ask him.
hugs
You deserve better, my friend .
Sharn
Ahh Beth.
I’ve missed your wisdom.
It’s so true too. I’ve been thinking about that today and trying not to get morose about it.
I’ll take all the hugs I can get.
Thank you. <3