Feminism,  GLBTQI

Breasts – a public entitlement rant.

I have boobs.

The hyperlink here is to my other rant on objectification by random strangers on OKC if you wanted to read about me going off my chops in a different kind of way.

Yes, yes I do. They are on my chest and are quite the size. They are out there and it doesn’t matter what I wear, you’re going to notice that they are there.

Now usually I go about my business and not get hassled at all. But I’ve recently noticed that not only are certain strangers feeling that because I have a dress on that has the girls on display but especially when I’m in a corset – these same people think that they can waltz straight up and stick their hands all over my cleavage.

So let’s start with a cafe that I went to not that long ago. The waiter, whom I didn’t know from the next waiter that worked there, thought it would be awesome to wrap his hand around my waist as he gripped my arse and told me I had a great rack. But not to worry, he’s gay!

Oh, I thought. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that being gay meant that anyone was entitled full access to my body. I must have been hiding behind the couch the day that memo was distributed!

To be fair, I was rather shocked by this man telling me he’s gay – yet at the same time objectifying me to the point where I wanted to punch him. I just wanted a fucking cup of coffee not to feel like my self worth had been trampled all over but then told to not say anything because well, you know, he’s gay!

So I left the place feeling confused and somewhat affronted. I was confused because I didn’t say anything, which is so unlike me it’s not funny. However I came to the realisation that being that I know so many gay men, I have been giving them a free pass when it comes to perpetrating behaviours that make women uncomfortable because they are gay and somehow that makes it ok.

Cue to a play party I went to at a place where all the staff should know better. There was this younger lass I’d seen around but had never introduced myself to in my travels who beelined for me as soon as we got in the door and stopped to say hello to some people we knew. As she was coming at me like a great white shark for the kill, I may have looked at her confused, but that didn’t stop her attack. Her hands started to raise and I thought, oh, this strange young lady is going to give me a hug, why is a total stranger about to hug me? She better not hug me!!! PERSONAL SPACE ALERT!!! But no. Oh no. Her hands smacked straight down on a tit each as she beamed at me and said “I hope you don’t mind, but they look so fantastic in your corset that I just had to race over and touch them”.

I was there with my partner at the time who was meant to be dominant and thought that he may pull her aside to have a quiet word with her but he didn’t. So instead she got faced with bitch queen, I will tear strips out of you with a sweet smile still plastered on my face – working the door at Hellfire for so many years has taught me a lot. Let’s just say she won’t be touching anyone she doesn’t know without asking first ever again.

Well what all these incidents have cemented for me is that it doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, bisexual or a fluffy fucking unicorn filled with sweet and sour lollies – you just DO NOT TOUCH PEOPLE WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION!

Why yes, yes sir, I am feeling a bit ranty at the moment because for a long time I’ve put up with people wondering over and coping a feel of my breasts while they simultaneously tell me it’s ok because;

a) they are gay
b) my boobs were talking to them
c) they had to feel if they were real or not
d) that they really were as soft as they looked
e) they didn’t realise boobs came in this size
f) could they please also stick their face in there?

So that got me wondering at which point do we draw the line? Which point do we say, no, this is unacceptable behaviour. Not only from the gay community but the straight community. It’s like strangers walking up to overweight people in the street and telling them that they need to lose weight for their own health. You think that poor person isn’t aware of their situation? Just like they must think that I magically get up every morning and not see how big my boobs are. Dude, I haven’t seen my feet when I looked down since I was 12!!!

Well I will be quiet no longer. The last guy that tried to walk up to me on Oxford Street after a night at Hellfire with his hands held out like he wanted to smother my cleavage in them ended up bouncing down the street on his arse. Granted he was also being an absolute cuntmonkey with his comments to my wife too – you don’t talk to ladies that way, otherwise ladies get pissed off and you end up looking like a knob. No more free rides people!

Touch my girls at your own peril. I will be suitably violent first and ask questions later.



Don’t forget to send me any Kinky Q & A questions you may have at spankalicious.co@gmail.com or through my contact me page! No question is too silly and if you want to remain anonymous just let me know.


  • Tam

    YES!!! there is no excuse, ever, for touching someone’s body without their express permission, unless it is literally to save their life, like giving CPR or stemming the flow of blood from a gaping wound. This includes boobs, pregnant bellies, children, bums, bald heads, chubby cheeks, whatever! And seriously, the gay thing gives me the irrits like you wouldn’t believe, I’m a dyke but I’m pretty sure most men wouldn’t be fine with me just walking up to them and grabbing their dick!

    • Sharn


      That’s exactly it! I don’t understand why the gay guys need to keep being given a free pass because they are gay. I don’t give a shit what they are! It’s not ok in any setting by any sexuality. Ever.

      Hands off damnit!

  • Ann St. Vincent

    Well you have seen mine and they don’t get attention any more than anyone else with boobs. BUT I think it is outrageous that even if people think that the touching isn’t a pickup (because they aren’t into women) or the context (a club) is sexy that it gives them any right to touch you!!

    • Sharn

      Yes but Ann, I think your boobs are marvellous!! <3

      However you right in that no one has the right to puts hands on another without asking first. I just wish people would ask first instead of thinking my boobs are public property!

      • Ann St. Vincent

        Oh i like mine…and glad you do to.

        I was trying to say (unsuccessfully as I am on my phone) that I am perplexed why, just because yours are natually more “out there”, people would see them as public. So stupid and insulting.

        • Sharn

          I don’t get the why either. All I can think of is that when they see my boobs in a bra their brains fall out and they then think that I’d be ok with strangers groping my cleavage because …

          I don’t know, the mass surface area x the stupidity = free for all?

    • Savannah Carrier

      I agree with you, Ann. I am still reeling from my encounter. This has been an exceedingly painful subject.

      Sharn, not to be dismissive or flippant, but I wonder if sheer size is at issue for people. I am at the opposite end of the size spectrum and except for one encounter recently, my boobs haven’t been the target(s) of such unwanted attention. I still encounter difficulties in men maintaining eye contact during conversations, wondering at what point it would be best for me to verbalize, “I’m up here!” in order to keep the dialogue flowing.

      • Sharn

        Say it. I do.

        I can’t stand people who don’t maintain eye contact. It’s not that hard. It really isn’t. And they are being so bloody rude by not looking at my face I figure it’s only fair to call them out on it.

        • Savannah Carrier

          I am going to! The next person who does that to me is going to get those words uttered and I can guarantee that I will NOT be smiling.

          • Sharn

            Good. I’m all for us standing up for small things as well as large.

            I often cough softly and say excuse me, my eyes are up here. That seems to shock them more. Xox

          • Savannah Carrier

            I usually rotate my upper body away from them and it works. But there are those who bring their eyes right back down again. I should wear a button on my chest that says “Eyes Up!”

            Will watches me go through this and smirks at theses encounters.

  • ramblingg0at

    I’ve said it at least twice before but I’ll say it again. I want to fall asleep using your girls as a pillow <3

    And I should also point out that once I go from tipsy to drunk, I get touchy feely. My hands are like "morrrreeeee!!!" so maybe a lot of your groping is from drunk (and horny) idiots like me 🙁 In saying that though, I only remember one instance where I got gropey with a full random (I squeezed a girls butt. Twice.. Even after she looked cranky, whoops!), and I still feel bad about it. I did apologise though, damn these idle hands! 🙂 About half an hr later I was out on the street talking to a bunch of friends completely unaware that a guy I knew had his hand down the back of my pants and was fingering me. So yeah. My bad x3.

    When I was like 16 I remember going to an under 18s concert (Grinspoon and it was a complete sausage-fest) and someone FULLY groped my groin region in the mosh/crowd. I turned around thinking wtfffff and no one looked guilty, they were all just singing, waving their arms around etc. I learned that day that sometimes people cant control themselves no matter how inappropriate. And some of them are so cowardly they wont own up to it.

    In conclusion, people are fucked.

    • Sharn

      My boobs make the best pillows. It’s how I met my ex gf. She fell asleep in them and drooled. Figured I’d keep her for a wee bit 🙂

      Drunk horny idiots I drop on their arse, see guy on Oxford Street for example. I’ve thrown people out of hellfire for that shit, drunk or sober. It’s people who know better and are being fuck knuckles because they think they can get away with it that I have the issue with.

      I don’t give a shit if they are cute young buxom, shy or whatever. Touch my tits without permission and a whole lot of hurt is coming their way.

      People are fucked but I don’t give a shit anymore because I won’t be excusing their behaviour 😀

  • Savannah Carrier

    I don’t understand why people can so easily intrude upon another human being’s body with such disregard for them elevating their own impulses above everyone else’s boundaries.

  • maggiemayat50

    Sharn, I loved this post. It’s about respect, personal boundaries and common decency. Your sexual orientation doesnt give you a pass to grope somebody. What you are wearing doesn’t give somebody a pass. Where you are at the time doesn’t lower boundaries of common decency. I immediately thought of 2 situations that happened to me.

    The first was my pregnancies – my 2nd one in particular. I was working in a public setting where we had vendors, clients – tons of people who know me thru work or just meeting me for the first time. I can’t tell you how many people would touch my belly like a damn Buddha. I was stunned. Only one person had my permission and that was because a) he asked (with his wife present) and b) he was respectful. I could care less if my belly was touched — but talk about invading my personal space without permission in a work environment! Haha. I should have extended my maternity leave with a sexual harassment complaint.

    The 2nd time is recent. I walk my dog everyday in a nearby park. Same cast of characters. I have a short (i’m tall), non-English speaking guy who apparently has a huge crush on me. He has hugged me twice – i am talking full blown, holding me for 10 second hugs. I am as rigid as a tree. WTF – so not cool. I think he’s a harmless creep, but i dread seeing him.

    So you are absolutely right. Kick the shit out of people who don’t respect your space!

    • Sharn

      Oh Maggie, I’m so sorry that you had to live through it. No one should have to understand how awful it can be.

      Thank you for your comment and here’s to us ladies standing up and saying no more.


      • maggiemayat50

        Meh, little crazy man seems harmless, but appreciate your empathy. If only he knew me thru this blog – his head would spend round!
        I think in my case, once again I need to use my words, but all of this post and comments clearly show that even people who are comfortable with their bodies and sexuality have boundaries that need to be respected.
        Sing it, Aretha!!

        • Sharn

          Hahaha yes, I think we all can or should find a way in which we are comfortable saying no, don’t touch me.

          If only he did know you! I’m pretty sure half the population wouldn’t act as they do if they thought about anyone other then themselves.

  • BroadBlogs

    You go girl!

    On this: “I was rather shocked by this man telling me he’s gay – yet at the same time objectifying me to the point where I wanted to punch him.”

    How odd, eh?

    • Sharn

      It is odd. It’s like he was trying to pacify me with his telling me I’m gay, yet at the same time it so wasn’t ok.

      It’s so not ok in any shape or for and it wasn’t until that encounter that it clicked for me that they could be gay and it was the same kind of objectification.

      Thank you 🙂

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